James Cavin Writes

In the chaos-infested realm known only as James's Garage, one man faces the tide of empty cardboard boxes, forgotten furniture, old shoes that only kind of fit, abandoned bicycles, a bag of some unholy abomination labeled "s'mores flavored coffee" left by an old roommate and slightly mauled by a wild animal that lived in here for a little bit, what might actually be a dead possum (presumably deceased because he ate the s'mores flavored coffee), and more old shoes (marked by a trickling trail of evidence that seems to support the previous hypothesis)… One man prepares to PURGE. Our first opponent appears… It's a Waterstained 8 Foot Wide Furniture Box from the COVID years! Waterstained 8 Foot Wide Furniture Box Alignment: Plague Hitpoints: 250 Special: Waterstain might actually be non-negligible quantities of dying possum poop. Furniture Box uses EAT UP AN UNNECESSARY AMOUNT OF SPACE FOR FIVE YEARS. G...

Some more Vim for you, fresh from the fetid jungles of the imagination! ( Read Part One here. ) Stave spoke to me. I thought I was dreaming at first, in the clearing where we had fled after giving up the cavern to the tide of serpents. (I saw them writhing on the carcass of the water beast as we retreated: squirming by the dozen into its open mouth.) Mist rising off the Fell masked our movements, though we heard the creep of creatures all around, and the grunting, croaking breaths of great shapes that loomed darkly in the fog. Three times we would have left Stave to run, but Slightly tried to drag him by herself, silent and wild eyed, and Honest would not leave her also. Once, we heard the whispered voices of the luparii, and the rumbling growl of whatever answered, and we pressed our faces to the mist-soaked mulch that makes the forest floor and lay as still as corpses (which well we soon may be) until they passed us by, two light of foot and...

Paint.net sure has come a long way. Also, since I was already late to the AI party, I thought I'd give those Balenciaga memes a shot, too. It's kind of astounding how many styles this thing can do.

I saw a ghost once. It was begging for change at the bus stop. I told it to get a job. A decade and a half later, it turned down my application for a second mortgage. Then, it flung ectoplasm everywhere and drove off in a Ferrari full of supermodels. Yesterday, I read in the newspaper that it got busted for fraud, plea bargained down to misdemeanor loitering, and then suffered a fatal, inebriated fall from the roof of its penthouse suite at the Cheveral while celebrating. Now, when I see a ghost, I just splash 'em with holy water.

( Read Part Two here. ) I don't normally post first drafts of personal writing, but I submitted an in-progress short story for last week's Operation Garbage Fountain , and, as per my agreement with fellow garbage-fountainier Lars Doucet , I am contractually obliged to write about it online. The theme of the week was "Rust." Lars wrote a highly amusing story about a narcoleptic Dream Agent named Rusty (which I'm hoping he will post soon). I decided to dust off an older story and start expanding it. After last week's 1930s Explorer-inspired pulp adventure shenanigans , I wanted to do something in a decidedly different genre. (Although it remains, as always, AS WEIRD AS I CAN MAKE IT. ) The other thing that I really wanted to do was write in the first person again. Some of my favorite novels are first-person accounts, and I actually did a lot of very well received first-person writing for Defender's Quest (critics regu...

For only 5 of your human minutes, you can experience the glorious pulp horror comedy splendor that is Interview with an Ichthyologist Itch.io! (Did I mention that you can get a pet fish-puppy to smite your enemies?) Ask not for whom the garbage fountain fountains, IT FOUNTAINS FOR THEE. I wrote a simple game in Inkle as part of a writing test for a prospective employer, and I enjoyed it so much that I decided to cheat and make it my submission for last week's Garbage Fountain Day. You see, I'm currently embroiled in Operation Garbage Fountain with my friend Lars Doucet (of ValueBase, Land Is a Big Deal, Fortress of Doors, etc. fame.) I had originally planned on making a Twine project for my entry when a job that I had applied to weeks beforehand invited me to engage in a writing test. As someone who enjoys both writing and being employed*, I obviously said yes. *Actually, what I enjoy is purchasing unhealthy numbers of Lego castles. Employmen...